Friday, November 6, 2015

An Epileptic Runs through It

I have a son with epilepsy.  It has taken ten years of seizures for me to start calling the spade the spade and use the E-word.  In the last year and a half, he’s become a runner and participates in our school cross-country team.  It’s been a messy ride to say the least, but here’s what we’ve learned through the experience:

Community:
At the very first pre-season race, Ryan seized in the last half to quarter mile, but he finished mostly upright.  I had to catch him coming off the finish line and work him through the emotional release brought on with the combination of race end and seizure.  When we got out to our car, there was a mom and daughter next to us and they both took a moment to walk over and tell Ryan they were impressed with his finish.  I felt compelled to explain what happened, but the mom stopped me and said she was a doctor and could tell he had epilepsy and was ready to jump in and help us if needed.  She didn’t judge us for letting him run, she applauded his efforts.

Determination:
Every race, seizure or no seizure, muscle pain or no muscle pain, Ryan finished the race.  One particularly rough seizure literally knocked him to the ground and when I made it to him, he was crawling on all fours.  He was confused a bit, but when I asked him if he wanted to finish, he said yes, and when his coach asked him if he could get up, he replied, “I can’t walk, but I can crawl.”

Letting Go:
This one is about me.  I can’t put into words how it felt watching Ryan crawl, confused with skinned knee, through Florida clay until a teammate came and got him on his feet and walked him to the finish. The hardest thing I did all season was walk away when Ryan asked me to, but that is the one thing he comments on the most: how thankful he is that we let him run, and let him fall, and don’t stop him from persevering. We also had to trust Ryan’s coach and defer to his judgment when we didn’t trust our own.

Teamwork:
Starting with the second race, Ryan’s teammates rallied around him for every seizure-ridden finish. His co-captain jumped in each week after having run his own race and ran alongside or behind Ryan up to the last little bit across the finish.  Most races once the team knew what was happening, several runners would jump in and run alongside the course encouraging Ryan and making sure he was protected.  In the last race, and the toughest course, the one we were most fearful of, the entire varsity team, and several of the girls’ team members spread out along the course to keep him safe.  During several races a healthy competition arose between Ryan and one of the girls because their times were similar; Ryan would sometimes spur her on by telling her to beat his own time. By the district competition, which Ryan was unable to qualify for, he was running some of those same teammates into the finish.  Support became the accomplishment.

Disappointment:
Ryan’s biggest wish going into this past season was to run varsity.  His summer training set him up well and before the season began, there was no reason to believe he wouldn’t accomplish this goal.  Unfortunately as his season progressed, it became apparent he’d be staying on JV due to his times being slow because of the seizure interruptions.  There were so many weeks his finish time just wasn’t what he wanted or needed and I asked him often if he wanted to quit; selfishly, there were weeks I wanted him to quit because I was so tired of watching him struggle.  He refused to give up, even through disappointments.  When the district meet came and he couldn’t run at all, he came and encouraged his teammates and truly didn’t let it bother him.

Leadership:
Ryan was named co-captain along with another senior runner and friend since kindergarten. As the weeks went on, I seriously questioned his coach’s choice.  It might have seemed a good idea when it looked like Ryan would run varsity and actually aid in leading the team, but it kind of sucked when he was finishing last.  Leading isn’t always about being up front though.  Setting an example of perseverance and sticking with commitment is leadership.  Giving thoughtful input while watching your teammates’ times and forms and mental health is leadership.  Pep talking the team at school when the coach isn’t around is leadership.


Tomorrow night Ryan will attempt his first half marathon.  His training hasn’t gone quite according to plan, but in typical Ryan fashion, he refuses to give up.  I will run and if needed, walk, alongside him and help him do what he’s been doing all season…finish the race.


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