Community:
At the very first pre-season race, Ryan seized in the last
half to quarter mile, but he finished mostly upright. I had to catch him coming off the finish line
and work him through the emotional release brought on with the combination of
race end and seizure. When we got out to
our car, there was a mom and daughter next to us and they both took a moment to
walk over and tell Ryan they were impressed with his finish. I felt compelled to explain what happened,
but the mom stopped me and said she was a doctor and could tell he had epilepsy
and was ready to jump in and help us if needed.
She didn’t judge us for letting him run, she applauded his efforts.
Determination:
Every race, seizure or no seizure, muscle pain or no muscle
pain, Ryan finished the race. One
particularly rough seizure literally knocked him to the ground and when I made
it to him, he was crawling on all fours.
He was confused a bit, but when I asked him if he wanted to finish, he
said yes, and when his coach asked him if he could get up, he replied, “I can’t
walk, but I can crawl.”
Letting Go:
This one is about me.
I can’t put into words how it felt watching Ryan crawl, confused with
skinned knee, through Florida clay until a teammate came and got him on his
feet and walked him to the finish. The hardest thing I did all season was walk
away when Ryan asked me to, but that is the one thing he comments on the most:
how thankful he is that we let him run, and let him fall, and don’t stop him
from persevering. We also had to trust Ryan’s coach and defer to his judgment
when we didn’t trust our own.
Teamwork:
Starting with the second race, Ryan’s teammates rallied
around him for every seizure-ridden finish. His co-captain jumped in each week
after having run his own race and ran alongside or behind Ryan up to the last
little bit across the finish. Most races
once the team knew what was happening, several runners would jump in and run
alongside the course encouraging Ryan and making sure he was protected. In the last race, and the toughest course, the
one we were most fearful of, the entire varsity team, and several of the girls’
team members spread out along the course to keep him safe. During several races a healthy competition
arose between Ryan and one of the girls because their times were similar; Ryan
would sometimes spur her on by telling her to beat his own time. By the
district competition, which Ryan was unable to qualify for, he was running some
of those same teammates into the finish.
Support became the accomplishment.
Disappointment:
Ryan’s biggest wish going into this past season was to run
varsity. His summer training set him up
well and before the season began, there was no reason to believe he wouldn’t
accomplish this goal. Unfortunately as
his season progressed, it became apparent he’d be staying on JV due to his
times being slow because of the seizure interruptions. There were so many weeks his finish time just
wasn’t what he wanted or needed and I asked him often if he wanted to quit;
selfishly, there were weeks I wanted
him to quit because I was so tired of watching him struggle. He refused to give up, even through
disappointments. When the district meet
came and he couldn’t run at all, he came and encouraged his teammates and truly
didn’t let it bother him.
Leadership:
Ryan was named co-captain along with another senior runner
and friend since kindergarten. As the weeks went on, I seriously questioned his
coach’s choice. It might have seemed a
good idea when it looked like Ryan would run varsity and actually aid in
leading the team, but it kind of sucked when he was finishing last. Leading isn’t always about being up front
though. Setting an example of
perseverance and sticking with commitment is leadership. Giving thoughtful input while watching your
teammates’ times and forms and mental health is leadership. Pep talking the team at school when the coach
isn’t around is leadership.
Tomorrow night Ryan will attempt his first half
marathon. His training hasn’t gone quite
according to plan, but in typical Ryan fashion, he refuses to give up. I will run and if needed, walk, alongside him
and help him do what he’s been doing all season…finish the race.
