I realize it’s a little cliché to be writing a blog about love on Valentine’s weekend, but it’s permeated my thoughts lately, and not in the way you might think. I was pondering how often people use this four letter word versus how often they actually mean it. Maybe the kids had it right when in response to their friend saying, “I love pizza!” they said “Then why don’t you marry it?” I know, it was so juvenile, right? Of course you wouldn’t marry pizza, DUH! But really, it makes a good point. What if we asked that question about so many of the people and things we say we love? Nothing drives me crazier these days than listening to high school girls professing their love for everyone and everything in their paths. What’s funny is the same friend they love SO MUCH this week is the one they are slandering the following week for anything from stealing a boyfriend to wearing the wrong clothes. And “true” teenage love? Don’t make me laugh! Saying “I love you” to a guy means even less than saying it to a friend most of the time. Especially when so many high school girls change boyfriends like they change hair color!
So what does it mean to love, to truly love? C.S. Lewis does one of the best jobs of tackling the topic in his book The Four Loves. He makes the distinction between four different Greek words for love and what each means. Storge is affectionate love that you might have for a favorite pet. It doesn’t necessarily actively love back, or at least it’s not going to tell you in words, but you have a feeling of warmth and it makes you happy. This type of love can also describe the love of a parent for a child. Phileo is brotherly love. This is the one you might feel for a biological sibling, but you might also feel for a friend “who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). Eros is passionate love that is often associated with lust, but is perfectly moral within the bounds of marriage and coupled with the other loves. More often than not, this is what a lot of teenagers are feeling toward the opposite sex, and it shouldn’t be given reign outside a healthy marriage. The last love Lewis comments on is agape, the unconditional love Jesus asks Peter about in John 21. Peter doesn’t get it and neither do we most of the time. We are sinful and selfish creatures and unconditional love is a tall order. We can only do it through the love of Christ in us. I can honestly say even after being happily married for almost 16 years, I think the only person I faithfully love unconditionally is my child.
Maybe it’d be easier if we spoke Greek and our Facebook comments to each other read “Storge you!” or “I phileo you, mean it!” In the mean time, however, maybe we should just stop overusing a word that should have deeper meaning than we’re giving it. We should broaden our vocabularies and point out specific traits we appreciate about others in an effort to make them feel loved. In the words of Paul, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:9-10).
